Total Information Awareness snapshot of the day

Name: Glenda the Bear
Address: 650th Redwood Grove on the Left, Orick, California
Last 10 credit card transactions:

1. 12/01/02 Redwood Roy's Powertool Paradise, Eureka, CA: Bigass Chainsaw, $578.
2. 12/01/02 Costco, Eureka, CA: Little Debbie snack cakes, 6 gross. $78.
3. 12/01/02 Arcata Co-op, Arcata, CA: Recycled toilet paper, 10 pack; organic honey, 30 pounds. $97.
4. 12/01/02 KMart, McKinleyville, CA: Martha Stewart fashion jeans, size 18, quantity, 2. $12.
5. 12/01/02 Biff's Guns 'n Stuff, McKinleyville, CA: pepper spray, 2 packs. $15.
6. 12/06/02 Cherae-Heights Indian Casino, Trinidad., CA: $375 for 2 cent slots. $10 for all-you-can-eat buffet.
7. 12/11/02 Amazon.com, purchased from Orick, CA: Thelma & Louise, DVD; Lonely Planet Guide to the Grand Canyon. $30.
8. 12/14/02 Wobbly the Raccoon's Bear Hospital, Westhaven, CA: $100 emergency room co-pay for chainsaw accident.
9. 12/18/02 Ronette's Flowers, Trinidad, CA: Get Well bouquet, sent to self. $30.
10. 01/01/03 Travelocity, purchased from Orick, CA: One-way ticket to Las Vegas, Nevada, Grand Canyon package tour. $750.

Terrorist index: The likelyhood this subject is a terrorist is 87%.
Republican index: The likelyhood this subject is a patriotic Republican is 37%
Personality flags: Can be placated with food.  Easily bribed. Has issues with men. Possibly addicted to huckleberries.

11:14:21 PM   

Interview with Raelian spokescreature Mush the Squid

I had a chance recently to catch up with Mush the Squid, featured here recently speaking for his cult, the Raelians. Mush, like many squid, is a multifaceted individual and has strong opinions on a variety of issues.

Pesky: Thank you for joining me today, Mush.
Mush: Thank you Pesky. You are small, like a tiny pillow.
Pesky: I get that a lot. First question: does your organization feel that cloning humans is really ethical, given that cloning is a highly experimental science?
Mush: Yes, this is a large question.  I can see why the tiny pillow would ask. I would say, no.
Pesky: So you admit this practice is unethical?
Mush: We admit nothing. The tiny pillow assumes to much.
Pesky: But you said--
Mush: I am Dim Sum.
Pesky: You are Chinese a-la-carte dumplings?
Mush: I am sesame balls.
Pesky: I can see that. On to theology. Do Raelians believe in God?
Mush: We believe in science. And fajitas.
Pesky: Fajitas?
Mush: FAJITAS.
Pesky: Fair enough. What do Raelians think about the prospect of a worldwide ban on human cloning?
Mush: The tiny pillow disturbs us.
Pesky: All right, last question. What caused you to join the Raelian cult?
Mush: I like ABBA. I wish there to be many ABBAs. The Raelians promised me many, many ABBAs.  Still, I wait for the ABBAs. They say soon. I wish the ABBAs to be now. Do you know where the ABBAs are?
Pesky: Sadly, no.
Mush: I must now eat the tiny pillow.
Pesky: SECURITY!!

11:54:54 AM