Interview with Ron the Echinoderm,
Bush Administration policy analyst

I recently had the opportunity to catch up with one of the most influential analysts currently working for the White House, Ron the Echinoderm. Ron, an invertebrate sea creature whose exact species is indeterminate as of this writing, was hired by the White House two years ago and assigned the Asian portfolio.

Pesky: Good afternoon, Ron. Thanks for taking the time to meet with me.
Ron: (mildly pulsating) Yes Pesky. I am glad to be here. By the way, would you mind throwing that cup of larval sea anemones into my travel tank?
Pesky: No problem (gloop).  So, as the main architect of the Bush policy on North Korea, how do you feel about the current situation?
Ron: (digesting larval sea anemones) Whatever the cat wants is fine with me. As long as he doesn’t bat me around the west wing anymore. That was almost as bad as that stint I did in the touch tank at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.
Pesky: Cat? Which cat?
Ron: Karl. The fat bald one. (emits waste matter)
Pesky:  Ah, yes, Karl Rove. So you don’t really do any actual analysis, you just let the political advisor make all the decisions.
Ron: Well yeah. I’m an echinoderm. We don’t really do analysis (pulsates).
Pesky: Have you ever made any recommendations?
Ron: Once I recommended they require all larval sea life to willingly give themselves up to their nearest friendly neighborhood echinoderm.
Pesky: What did they say?
Ron: Karl ran some polls, but he said numbers were weak in the Deep South.
Pesky: Do you have a girlfriend?
Ron: (emanates laughter molecules) You are such a mammal.
Pesky: What do echinoderms do for fun?
Ron: We remain stationary for long periods of time and let the buffet come to us.
Pesky: Do you think you might, perhaps, and I mean this in the least offensive way possible, be somewhat unqualified for the position of White House Policy Analyst?
Ron: (emanates chuckle molecules) Well I’m a hell of a lot more qualified than that guy they’ve got on the Middle Eastern portfolio.
Pesky: Who’s that?
Ron: (pulsating wildly) Some single-celled moron named Eddie Coli. Everything he comes up with is so divisive.

11:19:47 AM