And now a word from our sponsor...

Dr. Sneakypants' Fabulous Fusion Devices

Rodents, time to get turbocharged!

• Have you ever felt really, really short?
• Have you ever felt that humans don't give you the respect you deserve?
• Are you tired of being marginalized by human society and referred to as "vermin"?
• Do you live in a cat-occupied house?
• Have you ever been trapped in a refrigerator after the door closed behind you and the humans went to bed and you spent the night wrapped in cream cheese praying to God somebody would have mercy and let you out before you turned into a ratsicle?

Then you need
Dr. Sneakypants'
Fabulous Fusion Rodent Levitation Device!

 Yes, you, too, can achieve the height of a human, the force of a feline, the speed of a sparrow. Just strap yourself into this slick little number and you'll be zooming around in no time.

• Two feet above the ground. Three feet. Ten feet. A hundred!
• Accelerate to speeds in excess of 300 mph
• Fusion-powered anti-cat phaser standard in all models
• Cloaking device for those mid-day pantry raids
• Easily break out of any refrigerator using the fusion-powered FridgeBuster

 Bonus: Fusion-powered human persuasion device delivers a "shocking" message to any human who mocks your stature!

Testimonials

"I used to get chased around my humans' apartment all day long by that damned cat. Then I got the Fabulous Fusion Rodent Levitation Device, and I shot off all the fur on his little kitty ass. He doesn't bother me anymore. Thanks Dr. Sneakypants!" --Bertha the Mouse

 

"As a rat, I've always been short compared to humans. But now I can go to business meetings and talk to the primates eye-to-eye. They're so intimidated by the Human Persuasion Device, I've already gotten a promotion. Thanks Dr. Sneakypants!" --Bill the Rat

 

"I've always had an insatiable desire to jump off a cliff, but knew it wasn't safe. Now I can jump off cliffs all I want and my Fusion Rodent Levitation Device keeps me safe every time. Thanks a bunch Dr. Sneakypants!" --Zed the Lemming

 

 You know you want it. Now you can have it. Only ten payments of $39.95. Send your orders to: Dr. Sneakypants, PO Box 33, Stanford, California 95467

Rodent Public Service Announcement

All rodents who purchased Dr. Sneakypants' rodent levitation device before 2/28/2003 are asked to return the products to the store where they were purchased. Some of these devices have malfunctioned and sent rodents rocketing into the nasal passages of nearby humans.

7:15:56 AM