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Where the living heck are those WMDs?
A Pesky the Rat special report
WMDs. Weasel Megaton Doohickeys. Weapons of Mass Destruction. Beyond all other possible justifications, the Bush administration consistently used WMDs as the primary reason to launch a war on Iraq. Now, with coalition forces deep into the farthest corners of Iraq, nary a Doohickey has been found, and the world grows impatient. So where are all those WMDs? Click on the links below to read a report on each of the leading theories from a Pesky the Rat correspondent.
Doohickey theory #1: WMDs are part of a new classification of  weapons known as "Imaginary Crap & Bad Mojo" (ICBMs). The weapons are imaginary, but really, really scary. They cannot be detected by anyone over the age of 8. Lumpy the Mongoose reports.
Doohickey theory #2: WMDs are being cleverly hidden by an elite division of the Republican Guard known as the Last Minute Men. They fully intend to use these powerful weapons at the ABSOLUTE LAST MINUTE, which apparently hasn't happened yet. Henneke the Muskrat reports.
Doohickey theory #3: Iraq's WMDs are extremely sophisticated and include both artificial intelligence and mobility enhancements. They are currently sneaking around Baghdad of their own accord, one step ahead of US forces. Ahmed the Jerboa reports.
Doohickey theory #4: There are no WMDs. Bush made the whole thing up as a cover for his real goal: allowing the Martha Stewart empire to get lucrative contracts for rebuilding Iraq to look exactly like the Hamptons on a lazy summer day. Edwina the Hamster reports.
11:14:42 PM
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