Bush administration says cutting estate tax
will create millions of jobs in funeral industry

In another valiant attempt to restart the nation's depressed job market, the Bush administration today released a study showing how a complete elimination of the estate tax could have a powerful stimulative effect on the nation's economy.

"Our critics have said the estate tax cut would not result in any significant increase in spending, as wealthy families would likely just continue to hoard wealth generation after generation. But these critics are missing the point," says White House spokesman Ari Fleischer.  "By eliminating the estate tax, we will drastically increase the incentive people have to knock off their rich relatives. Funeral homes all over America will be bending over backwards to accommodate the flood of corpses, relatives of which will be happy to spend a small fortune on funerals to compensate for their shocking lack of grief.  Florists will also benefit, as they will be inundated with orders for the not-so-dearly departed."

Fleischer says that a massive trickle down effect will occur as the newly rich spend their old money on celebratory parties. "I mean, they're gonna break out the champagne like nobody's business. They're gonna hire party planners and buy new clothes and bring on the polo horses. Nobody parties like Daddy's Little Girl when Daddy's 6 feet under and his credit card's still kicking."

Editors of the Wall Street Journal immediately supported the administration's contentions. "It should be obvious to all except the most self-loathing Americans that the stimulative effects of the estate tax cut will go far beyond the funeral and party planning industries. Security firms will see major growth as the newly rich secure their old money. The gun and poison industries should also benefit. We recommend immediately purchasing shares in Dudley's Deadly Drinks and Crazy Larry's Guns 'n Ammo."

Meanwhile, the FBI has prepared this unusual warning for release if the estate tax cut passes: "Extremely wealthy people are advised to avoid libraries, studies, and conservatories. Report any suspicious individuals, especially French maids or butlers wielding candlesticks."

10:18:50 PM