Pesky the Rat exclusive: interview with
Senator Santorum's ex-girlfriend, Jiggles the Poodle

Much has been made of remarks by Senator Santorum, Republican chairman of the foot-in-mouth committee. You can read more about that here.  But this rat has learned Senator Santorum's ex girlfriend, Jiggles the Poodle, is "absolutely shocked" at the Senator's disapproval of human-canine relationships. I managed to get her on the phone this morning.

Pesky: Thanks for speaking with me, Jiggles. So you claim to have been Senator Santorum's canine girlfriend for six years?
Jiggles: (snifflesniffle) Yes. But now he won't have anything to do with me. (sobs)
Pesky: I'm so sorry, Jiggles. Breaking up is hard to do.
Jiggles: He used to take me out to dinner, and we'd go to the movies, and then we'd play "fetch", if you know what I mean. It was wonderful.
Pesky: "Fetch"?
Jiggles: Mmmm. Yes. He was very good at it.
Pesky: So what went wrong?
Jiggles: Well, we went for a walk one afternoon, and I got distracted by some really sweet-smelling roadkill, and he disappeared. I followed his scent to a cathouse in Virginia. I was heartbroken.(drools tragically).
Pesky: So how did you feel when the Senator said he doesn't approve of human-canine relationships?
Jiggles: Oh, God, I couldn't believe it. I mean, he was all over me like a case of fleas. And now he says he's against it? Pleeeeeeease.
Pesky: So you two were quite, er, intimate, eh?
Jiggles: He had me trim my fur so I looked like two big, round, fuzzy--
Pesky: Yes, well, er, yes.  Well, do you think his statement will affect the canine vote in the next election?
Jiggles: Well you know that we canines tend to value loyalty, and so we generally vote the same as our humans. But I see a lot of defication on his front porch in the near future.
Pesky: So what's next for you, Jiggles?
Jiggles: I'm going to wallow in my sorrows and eat grass until I puke.

10:02:24 PM