Attention, readers!

Have you ever told a fib, and gotten caught? Now you can tell all the fibs you want and throw accountability to the wind!

Dr. Sneakypants’ latest invention, the Fabulous Fibulizer, was developed deep in the bowels of Stanford University’s Hoover Institute. The Fibulizer provides complete protection from accountability for fibs, lies, half-truths, distortions, deceptions, disingenuousness, and the selling of “bills of goods”.

That’s right—
you can
get away with it!

Go ahead—tell your wife you’re working on a big project at work. Then zip on down to Aunt Charlie’s Chicken Ranch and spend time with your favorite little biddy. Just attach the Fabulous Fibulizer to any appendage on your body and you will NEVER—and we mean NEVER—be held accountable. Even if your wife finds out, she will still fawn over you adoringly and bake you cookies.   Just listen to these satisfied Fabulous Fibulizer customers!

“Dear Dr. Sneakypants: I am so pleased with my Fabulous Fibulizer. I used mine to convince hundreds of millions of people that I’m a stupid butt-headed moron so nobody would think anything is my fault. It worked so well that now even I believe I’m a stupid butt-headed moron. Thanks Dr. Sneakypants!” George the Human, Washington, DC

“Dr. Sneakypants, I am pleased as punch with your Fabulous Fibulizer. I affixed the Fibulizer to my favorite appendage, and then robbed my shareholders blind. Nobody cares and I don’t have to go to jail. And now my wife thinks I’m good in bed! Thanks, Dr. Sneakypants!” Ken the Cat, Houston, Texas

“Hello Dr. Sneakypants. I am very happy with your Fabulous Fibulizer. I never used to get any girls who had a shred of self-esteem, but now I have a date every night. They’ll even sit and watch the Sci-Fi channel with me while I play video games. And they don’t care that I’m as ugly as a rhino’s butt. Thanks Dr. Sneakypants!” Phil the Guinea Pig, San Francisco, California

BUT THERE’S MORE!!!

If you act NOW, you get, FREE OF CHARGE, the Fabulous Pre-Fibulizer. The Pre-Fibulizer allows you to go BACK IN TIME and plant your Fibulized Fibs wherever you like.  Didn’t like that high school report card in 1987? Use the Fabulous Pre-Fibulizer to go back and make up whatever stories you like about all that homework you missed. Go ahead—“Giant man-eating fleas ate my homework!” you’ll say. “Why of course, young man,” says your teacher, “Nothing you could have done about that. A-plus!”

Now remember—only Dr. Sneakypants makes the Fabulous Fibulizer. Unfortunately, one of Dr. Sneakypants’ former customers, Bill Gates, is now hawking his own version, known as Microsoft BS 2003. But don’t be fooled! Microsoft BS is extremely buggy, and often backfires. It is believed the White House briefly used Microsoft BS to produce the Niger Uranium report, and now the Bush Administration has purchased sixteen Fabulous Fibulizers to undo the damage. 

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
TOLERATE NO IMITATIONS!

Only 159.95!*

Warning: Use of the Fabulous Fibulizer is not recommended inside deception-rich environments such as the Pentagon or a porn studio. Do not lie about using the Fabulous Fibulizer, as doing so can trigger a Disintegrating Fibulization Loop (DFL) which will cause all human males within a thirty-mile radius to admit their personal inadequacies.  Do not consume Nutrasweet or other sugar substitutes while using the Fabulous Fibulizer. Some redness and swelling may occur on the appendage you choose to connect with the Fabulous Fibulizer. The Fabulous Fibulizer cannot be used to Fib to Dr. Sneakypants as he has developed an Anti-Fibulizer.

*in seventy-five easy installments, direct-debited from your checking account.

8:26:40 AM