In an urgent bulletin, scientists at Stanford University today announced that the bizarre California recall campaign may get even more dangerously weird in the near future, as conditions are now ripe for the manifestation of a Giant Self-Inflating Soul-Sucking Recall Kitty. 

"We just can't underestimate the destructive power of a Giant Self-Inflating Soul-Sucking Recall Kitty," said Dr. Snippy, Guinea Pig researcher at Stanford. "The last time one appeared was in South Dakota in 1911, and to this day nobody wants to live there."

The first indications of a GSISSR Kitty forming came last week, when sixteen swamp rats working the kitchen at a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise in Fresno suddenly transformed into soulless swamp zombies. An investigation by Stanford researchers conclusively determined the swamp rats had been soul-sucked by a Giant Self-Inflating Soul-Sucking Recall Kitty near the deep fryer.  Although the soulless swamp rats still work at KFC, many are now worried that soul-sucking could spread and possibly affect plumbers.

(Whatever you do in your life, wherever you go, whoever you meet, remember this one thing: never hire a plumber who doesn't have a soul.)

 The greatest danger lies ahead, as the recall of California Governor Grey Davis continues.  The larger the number of recall candidates, and the more ridiculous the recall, the more inflated the Giant Self-Inflating Soul-Sucking Recall Kitty becomes.  The 1911 kitty inflated to the size of 500 diaper delivery trucks and lodged itself in downtown Rapid City between three saloons and a curiosity shop.

This recall, however, is far weirder, far bigger, far more ridiculous and far more likely to result in a Super-Inflated Self-Inflating Soul-Sucking Recall Kitty.  Some speculate that if Arnold Schwarzanegger wins, the Ridiculous Factor will be so huge that the kitty will inflate exponentially, possibly lodging itself between the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge or inside Dodger Stadium. At such a massive size, the Soul-Sucking Kitty can suck thousands of souls at once, potentially leaving almost all the people of California nothing more than soulless zombies, incapable of doing anything but signing more recall petitions at Wal-Mart.

Citizens are advised to be on the look out for a giant kitty butt. The Recall Kitty always comes butt-first, for reasons both mysterous and smelly.

7:17:26 AM