Pesky: Er, hello Bill. Thanks for joining me. I think.

Bill: Oh, no problem Pesky. Happy to be here.

Pesky: Yes, well, you stay on your side of the electric fence and I’ll stay on mine, eh?

Bill: Sure thing Pesky. Don’t know why you need it.

Pesky: Yes you do.

Bill: Nope, no idea.

Pesky: All right then. Let’s get down to business, Bill. You say that when moved into your new neighborhood, you weren’t made to feel welcome. Can you tell us what happened?

Bill: Sure can, Pesky. See, I found this great little duplex in a nice rodent neighborhood—

Pesky: A rodent neighborhood?

Bill: Yeah! Best deal in town. Anyhow, I moved in, and everybody seemed nice. The Dormouse down the street even brought me a nice little pie.  But then, one day, for no reason whatsoever, they all turned on me! They got the homeowners’ association together and now they want me to move out! Just because I’m a Kimodo Dragon! It’s discrimination! It’s hateful! And they won’t even let me defend myself at the homeowners meeting!  No offense, Pesky, but you rodents are bunch of Stalinists.

Pesky: Well, that’s not really the whole story, now is it Bill?

Bill: Yes it is! Yes it damned well is!

Pesky: No it’s not. They turned on you because you ate three of them, didn’t you?

Bill: I was hungry. It was perfectly natural.

Pesky: And you didn’t just eat them, did you? You bit them on the tail, infected them with a powerful bacteria, and let them wither away for two and a half weeks. Then you slurped up their innards.

Bill: That’s not true. I added garlic and paprika and a little pesto sauce.

Pesky: Did it ever occur to you that your neighbors wouldn’t take kindly to watching their loved ones, er, disemboweled?

Bill: No.

Pesky: Not even a teensy eensy bit?

Bill: No.

Pesky: So you still don’t see it.

Bill: See what?

Pesky: Uh-huh. All right then, what about that last bit. You say they wouldn’t let you defend yourself at the homeowners meeting. Why is that, do you think?

Bill: Because they hate reptiles! They have speech codes, see, and you can’t say lots of stuff. They’re all politically correct. It’s all a big Stalinist game.

Pesky: Sure about that Bill?

Bill: Of course I’m sure! It’s a travesty! It’s an injustice!

Pesky: Lumpy, roll the tape:

 Homeowner rat: Mr. Dragon, I’m afraid we can’t let you build a carrion shed on your front lawn. It would lower all of our property values.
 Bill: You Stalinist piece of meat! I’m going to eat you. I’m going to inject you with lethal bacteria and watch it digest you from the inside out. Then I’m going to slurp up your intestines and make your pelt into a kazoo!

Pesky: I think that pretty much explains why they don’t like you, Bill.
Bill: I still don’t get it.

7:28:09 AM