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White House sends grain of rice to testify before 9/11 panel By Lumpy the Mongoose (PTR) -- In a stunning move, the White House has sent a single grain of rice to testify before the 9/11 panel. 
The grain of rice, named Edna, is from California's Central Valley. She enjoys knitting and voting for the tall red-headed guy on American Idol. Edna was apparently quite surprised when she found out she would be the rice chosen to appear before such an important committee. "I really can't believe it," she says, "I mean, the most I ever hoped for was to get into a bowl of broccoli chicken."
The last minute rice swapping is apparently an attempt by the Bush administration to put one over on the panel. An inside source at the White House tells me that the President came up with the idea himself. "See, we'll just switch one rice for another, and...and...I forget what happens after that. But it's brilliant! Brilliant! Just like how we took over Syria."
*AWKWARD SILENCE*
"You know, Syria! We took over Syria!"
*ADDITIONAL AWKWARD SILENCE FOLLOWED BY POLITE COUGH*
"Oh. I meant Iraq."
My White House source has since moved to Bhutan.
Anyhow, Edna is very excited about her place in history. "I am a very sophisticated grain of rice.I know what's what. You just wait until that McCain tries to ask me a question. I'll have him on the floor in no time. I bet he doesn't know a damned thing about proper water levels in a summer San Joaquin Valley rice paddy. Not a goddamned thing."
7:41:07 AM
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