Presented by Finebean the Cryptic Literary Hamster

"Turkish Delight for the little prince! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

The concludes tonight's cryptic literary response to President Bush's press conference.

10:05:52 PM   

By Lumpy the Mongoose (PTR) – President Bush announced this morning that he would address the nation tonight about the deteriorating situation in Iraq. I have intercepted the original draft of his speech, before it was edited by a guy named Dick.

My dearest citizens.

I know the events transpiring before you are baffling and more than a little disconcerting. I know you are struggling to accept what has already happened and worry over what is to come. I know you object to my desire to continue alone, against all reason, against all odds, against all common sense, against all the laws of nature. These sorts of things work better in packs, you say, and I should not go forward as some sort of pathetic lone wolf.

But I must tell you this. After extensive, thoughtful consideration, I will not end my relationship with Jiggles the Poodle.

Jiggles is the most ravishing vision I have ever encountered. She is a plush, poofy, smooshy poofball of delight, a brace of white fluffy clouds on four legs, a luscious marshmallow temptress. She is my world, my solar system, my galaxy, my panting universe of seduction.

I love Jiggles.

Nothing you can say will stop me. I must have her.  I cannot go through one day, one hour, one minute without my Jiggles. She must be by my side. She is all I live and breathe. I think of nothing else.  I know there are other things going on in this world, but they are all secondary to my Jiggles.  She is the Queen of my Parliament and we are most definitely IN SESSION.

In contrast, a sample of the edited version of the speech reads like this:

Duuuuuuude. Taxes suck.

As you can see, the White House is doing some serious damage control.

More Jiggles:
Jiggles has torrid affair with President Bush
Bush love letter shocker!
Senator Santorum's ex-lover, Jiggles the Poodle

8:06:19 AM