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Condoleeza Rice says ancient trees may chop themselves in an effort to influence the presidential election By Lumpy the Mongoose (PTR) -- President Bush’s national security advisor says that the environment may be taking a cue from Spanish voters and is planning to spontaneously degrade itself in order to influence the fall Presidential election.
“These trees are perfectly healthy, of course, and would remain standing for thousands of years of we in the Bush administration had anything to say about it. But I believe that thousands of them are planning on actually chopping themselves down to push the election to Kerry. It’s diabolical. Rivers, streams, mountain-tops in coal country, even the air we all breathe—they’re all planning to dirty themselves just in time for the election.”
A spokesman for a grove of old-growth fir trees in the Sierra Nevada says absolutely nothing, as trees in general don’t talk. Rice finds this evasive. “They never say anything, do they? Not a goddamned thing. That’s trouble.”
Immediately after this interview, several thousand fir trees turned into toilet paper, entirely as a result of listening to the new liberal talk radio network.
More on troublesome trees
8:17:57 AM
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