By Pesky the Rat (PTR) -- Listen to this story from Ohio:

CINCINNATI, Ohio (AP) -- Zookeepers helped police search for venomous and exotic pets in a house where a woman was fatally bitten by a viper.

Alexandria Hall, 44, was bitten in her home Monday and died at a hospital Saturday, police said...

...They [reptile experts] found more than a half-dozen large lizards running around an upstairs bedroom. The venomous snakes were in secure plastic cases throughout the house, police and zoo officials said. Non-venomous animals were found under boxes and piles of clothes.

I know how it happened. One little snake charmed her, probably with some sob story, and then the rest snuck in through the crack in the door. Vicious things. And to think that Susan the Human still insists on keeping that infernal snake around the house. Absolutely reckless. I oughtta duct tape that snake to the ceiling.

8:02:21 AM   

Pesky: Hello there, Ivan. Thanks for teleconferencing in.

Ivan: *whoooooooosh* Yep, happy to chat, Pesky.

Pesky: So let’s get down to business, Ivan. You’re wreaking havoc. Why do you do that?

Ivan: *whoooosh* I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Pesky: Ivan, you just ate Grenada.

Ivan: No I didn’t. That wasn’t me. *whhhhiiiiizzzzz*

Pesky: Then who was it?

Ivan: *swishswishswishWHOOSH*  TERRORISTS!!

Pesky: Terrorists? Terrorists ate Grenada?

Ivan: Yes. *ssssswwwwwooooosssshh*. 

Pesky: Ivan, that’s a load of crap. You ate Grenada. And then you ate Grand Cayman, and you seem to be eyeing Cuba and the Yucatan. Stop it.

Ivan: The press is sooooo negative these days. Say, would you like to hear about the intricacies of 1970’s typewriter technology? *swoooosh*

Pesky: No, Ivan, no I wouldn’t. I’d like to know exactly why—

Ivan: I find typewriters fascinating. Especially the whole topic of superscripts. *kaboom*

Pesky: Ivan, what did you just do to that fishing boat?

Ivan: Did you know that some typewriters can’t make the little “th” float above, and other typewriters can? Isn’t that wonderful?

Pesky: IVAN! Stop changing the subject. Put that fishing boat down this instant.

Ivan: Typewriters are pretty.  *ROOOOAAAARRRRWHOOOSHH*

Pesky: God help us all.

7:39:32 AM