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Bush found to be work of fiction By Lumpy the Mongoose (PTR) – Literary scholars announced today that President Bush is in fact a fictional character from a lost chapter of the Canterbury Tales.
Snibly the Dormouse of Oxford University said that a far-reaching study of manuscripts dating back to the 1400s uncovered the truth. “We found the most extraordinary passage, which proved the connection beyond a shadow of a doubt. I nearly dropped my teapot.”
The passage, in a new chapter entitled "The Shrubes Tale", reads thusly:
For, lordinges, sith I twelf yeer was of age,
I knewe I was a man nat to reade a page,
Thunked be God that my dayes may be fillede
With powderie blisse and Pette Goates for the childe.
This alone, however, wasn’t enough. Digging further, Snibly discovered a section so revealing it is known as the "smoking couplet":
But natheless, thogh I am wronge as sinne,
I will nevere yielde, and will drinke a lot of ginne.
Libararians and English professors around the world are demanding Bush return to his pages in the Canterbury Tales and stop wreaking havoc in the real world. Betsy Lockitup, chief librarian at Cambridge, is especially worried. “Imagine if the Wife of Bath were to get out. The trouble she’d get into. The bawdy and embarrassing things she’d point out about the rest of us. We just don’t want somebody like that walking around.”
After Bush returns to the Canterbury Tales, the librarians and English professors want all copies of the book sent to a desert island in the South Pacific, leaving the unruly pilgrims safely to each other.
Meanwhile, rumors are beginning to surface that Vice President Dick Cheney is a character from a Joseph Conrad novel.
8:09:43 AM
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