By Pesky the Rat (PTR) -- Recently, Dick Cheney agreed to sit down with me to discuss his performance in the Vice Presidential debate and other issues. It really is a testament to how far we’ve come here at Pesky the Rat that we have guests like the Vice President beating down our door. This is how it went.

Pesky: Hi Dick, so glad you could join us.

Dick: Well I’m always glad to sit down for my pal Sean Hannity. Where is Sean, anyway?

Pesky: Oh, he’ll be along in a moment. Anyhow, let’s get started—

Dick: Without Sean?

Pesky: Really, you won’t even notice. So first question: in that debate, you said you’d never met John Edwards before. But now there’s pictures flying around the net showing you, er, meeting John Edwards. What do you have to say to that?

Dick: I’ve never met John Edwards.

Pesky: But we have pictures!

Dick: No you don’t.

Pesky: Yes we do!

Dick: No you don’t.

Pesky: Yes we do! And he even makes you look fat.

Dick: I don’t like where this is going.

Pesky: I’m just saying, you said you never met him, but you have.  Look, here’s a picture.

Dick: Ah! That wasn’t Senator Edwards.

Pesky: Was too—

Dick: Was not. Look very closely. The technology did not exist in 1953 to make a politician that much more handsome than me.

Pesky: He’s not a memo, Dick. He’s a fellow.

Dick: And a very odd fellow he is, too. Did you notice the hair? Perfectly combed. Clear evidence of manufacture by North Korean communist spies.

Pesky: All right then, how about the WMD thing? You and President Bush have been claiming WMDs in Iraq, but a new report says that’s not been true for over a decade. What do you have to say about that?

Dick: Cloaking device!

Pesky: Oh really.

Dick: Cloaking device! Those Romulans are awfully sneaky. America is lucky to have me in charge. I know exactly how to deal with those pointy-eared communist freaks.

Pesky: I feel so safe.

Dick: You sure do. Did I mention my real name is Captain Picard?

8:16:39 AM