Pesky the Rat

The depths of humans...

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 06:24:56 GMT

Looks like some homophobic freakjobs have linked to Pesky the Rat, and have been leaving threatening and bigoted commentary. Sexual insecurity brings out the best in the wingnut population, though I find it amusing that a web site with cartoon snakes and rats would get them riled up enough to think of sex. Certainly gives some insight into their state of mind. As this site officially ended more than a month ago, I'm taking down the comment links, etc.

It's amazing--three years and 100,000 hits, and a month after I shut it down I get my first real fundy threats! We're all so proud.

I am not a snack

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 05:36:09 GMT

By Pesky the Rat (PTR) -- Well, as many of you may have discovered, we here at Pesky the Rat have been running out of gas. Some of this has to do with a certain Janet the Snake, who has been chasing me relentlessly throughout the apartment with a rodenticidal rage, and some of it has to do with Susan the Human, whose job and life and other interests are pulling her away from her proper spot as my personal stenographer. But these things happen. And so, after three years, I will be hanging up my hat and exploring garbage piles further afield.

This page won't be going away--Susan the Human will, in her spare time, renovate it into a collection of sordid tales entitled, "I am Not a Snack: Three Years in American Politics with Pesky the Rat". There may also be a collection of Janet the Snake's disgusting contributions, title to be determined but guaranteed to be ghastly. We hope these spots will provide a nice place to stop when the human-dominated media strays too far from the truth. Because goodness knows, the truth is all we do around here.

And so this rat thanks you all dearly for your support and friendship and snakefights in the comments, particularly Don the Corn Snake & Co, Abdul the Asp, Ginnie the Gerbil, Janet the Human & friend. You all added so much to the site. Susan the Human still tears up thinking of the image of Don the Corn Snake, carrying his little suitcase, longing for Janet to take him on some terrible vacation. And Abdul's observations about Don's personal collection of "toys" were at times almost too much to bear.

Many thanks to the enormous support of the Salon community, particularly Mark Hoback, who got us a gig with a famous cartoonist, Rob Salkowitz, who allowed Janet to eat the wingnuts in his comments, Dr. Omed, who is his own gnome, Rich, who we believe to be a secret agent living in a nuclear submarine just off the coast of Hawaii, and to all the others who were so supportive and offered links. We've had tons of fun and too many close calls to count. Please keep (or start) patronizing the Salon Blogs community, which provides some of the most interesting reading on the net, free of charge.

You can still keep up with Susan the Human on her photoblog, which is temporarily still here, but which will move to a more intuitive address in the next few weeks. She should be back posting pictures of Italy in a few days. But Susan's main focus for the foreseeable future will be to revise and finish two juvenile fiction novels she's been working on. She's particularly grateful to the three readers who provided extensive excellent commentary on one of the books in its rough form, and she will revise it taking much of that constructive criticism into account.

Janet the Snake is taking a job with the Bush Administration as Condoleeza Rice's replacement as National Security Advisor. Democrats everywhere are advised to send her photographs of George W. Bush dressed as a hot dog. She is particularly fond of sesame seed buns.

I will be taking over the Howard Dean suit from my old pal Muffin the Bushy-Tailed Woodrat, and hopefully running the Democratic National Comittee in short order. That's just between you and me, though. Most people out there think Howard is actually real.

Off we go...and remember, no matter what those snakes try to tell you, repeat after me: "I am not a snack!"

Hey, anybody seen my buddy the chicken?

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 15:34:01 GMT

He was just here a little while ago. I can't seem to find him. Just a few feathers blowing around. I'm sure he's all right, but I just want to make sure. You know, just make sure. That's all. Hmmm. I wonder why there's a tub of butter and a giant bottle of garlic salt over there. Hmmm.

Janet the Snake
SuperSexy Reptile Pundit
Empress of America
Queen of Christmas
Laments that rodents are ruining Christmas

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 18:00:07 GMT

By Janet the Snake (PTR) – It issss outrageoussss! Outrageousssss! Thesssse godlessss rodentssss ruined my Chrisssstmassss! Disssgusssting little sssnacksss. I attempted to sstring up sssome ssstuffed and lightly peppered hamssstersss and light them for the Chrissstmassss sssseassson, but the blasphemoussss beassstletsss refusssed! They insssissst that I not call them Chrissstmasss lightsss. They ssay I should call them Hamssster Lightsss of Death. Thisss political correctnesss must be sstopped!

The rodentsss want to eliminate Chrisssstmasss altogether. They are godless creaturesss and do not wissssh to ccsssselebrate Chrissstmass becaussse it impedessss their ssssatanic dessssiresss. For inssstancsse, jussst yesssterday, sssome rodentsss arranged themssselvess as a buffet in front of my door and sssang Jingle Bells for my enjoyment while I dined. It wassss mosst efficient. Dinner and entertainment in one ssssucculent package. Imagine my sssurprissse when thissss morning a massive gathering of little rodentsss appeared outssside my door holding up ssssignsss calling me a murderer! And then while I wassss trying to reassson with them I sssnacked a little-I get sssso very hungry--and they pelted me with sssstickssss!

Inssssufferable sssnacksss. They ssshould all be placsssed in deep freeze only to be releassssed to a professional chef. Chrissstmasss isss a time of csselebration, and thossse of usss who properly csselebrate ssshould not be thwarted by walking cheessse puffssss who demand their “rightsssss”. Sssnackss to not have rightsss. They have ssseasssoningsss.

It isss time that the oppressed predatorsss of the world ssstand up and put thessse rodentsss in their placsse. No longer will we allow thessse pathetic little glorified airplane peanutsss take away our Chrissstmasss! Yessss! Christmassss belongsss to ussss! All of it! Thessse beasstletsss can’t have any! I, Janet the Ssssnake, Empresss of America, SsssuperSssexy Reptile Pundit, I am the Queen of Chrisssstmasss! Yesss! Hissshisshissshiss—

*THWUNK*

*MMMPH*

We regret to inform our readers that Janet the Snake has for the moment hopelessly tied herself in a knot. She will be back as soon as someone can be found who is willing to untie a 10 foot mutant boa constrictor with an attitude problem. We apologize for any inconvenience and wish you all a Happy New Year.

Pesky the Rat

The depths of humans...

I am not a snack

Hey, anybody seen my buddy the chicken?

Janet the Snake SuperSexy Reptile PunditEmpress of AmericaQueen of ChristmasLaments that rodents are ruining Christmas

Janet the Snake
SuperSexy Reptile Pundit
Empress of America
Queen of Christmas
Laments that rodents are ruining Christmas